Page 1

CHAPTER I Through my life I have over a summer waking wished I had not done things timelessly forgotten through tomorrows pains. My wrongs were never now. My sadness was always a moment into yesterday. Later inter-reaching in the inability to confront patience in the present rushed hard on me. And froze me in the thought that I was unable to do what I knew was right. I would take all warmths to and from others. Take all time telling agony in each gathering moment. Then I would say, I am leaving all things dear to me. No longer would I want warmth, if it was assumed forever. I would break from all people meaningful to me in the immediate, and love only at a distance. I wished for it always, and in my almost dreams even demanded death of those to close. A thousand times I thought myself cursed with understanding, but lost in others peoples illusions about what I was not. All this time I called for a prayer, never understanding the one on my own lips. Perhaps I would begin to understand my need for answer without question. I gradually began to feel my wish come true. It turned inside then tore, but my skin remained unscarred and clear, turning my death into an internal march. My wish would not be granted, until I doubled my burdon of love and left the burdon of my worthy wish. Careful as an oarsman, personal burdon of love, as one who builds bridges alone. Then my inside reached my face, and spoke bulging from my eyes. The force of my life was ripping my head in half, whom everyone saw and slowly left, but all for their own reasons and none for mine. My wish had left it to me.